for your life to change, you don't need to desperately exert yourself. a cup of cofee, food that's tastier than you can imagine, scenes you've not seen before, to meet new peope. these trivial things change your life.

last night, i ate dinner with my friend jenny. in real life, on a warm london evening, forking up aubergine from the same plate. we laughed, shared family news, told eachother things we'd been worrying over. at home, alone in my study, they felt insurmountable. a sign that something was irredeemably wrong with me. under the gentle scrunity of my friend, they diminished to a normal size: just the grit of everyday traffic with other humans. i walked home feeling buoyant, nearing invicibl.e i need my friends. i bet you need yours too.

im sorry!!! im sorry that we cant go back!!! and for all the things we cant remember. but im glad we did it!! the love will always be there!

that's a little mean. i wish you wouldn't picture me that way.